Vanilla = Exciting, Chocolate = Mediocre

Why is vanilla used as a term to describe something as boring, uninspired, basic and/or plain?  In my view, vanilla is one of the most exotic things in this world.  The scent, the flavor, the texture of a pod exudes a sexiness that chocolate can never emulate.  Chocolate on the other hand is bitter and harsh. In fact, it is soo horrible that one needs to roast it before they would even consider it edible and then you have to mix it with other stuff to keep it from separating from itself?  Honestly, chocolate is nothing more than a mean bean with multiple personality disorder syndrome. Liquid chocolate always gets everywhere, no matter how careful one is.  Cocoa powder follows suit AND, because is not friendly with water, makes things even dirtier. Plus, it is everywhere and rarely adds anything to the ingredients it is mixed with.  What's vanilla got??  It just has to sit out in the sun, read a book and develop a tan.  Everybody loves tan people, why not tan pods?

Also, in the world of pastry, vanilla is on the same level as salt is in the savory world.  It can be added to pretty much anything to enhance its flavor.  Take a strawberry for example.  How many people fool themselves into liking chocolate covered strawberries?  First off, most people buy these abominations in February, WHEN STRAWBERRIES AREN'T EVEN IN SEASON!!! But let's give the benefit of the doubt here.  Say someone buys perfectly ripe, fresh picked 2 hours ago, strawberries and dips them in chocolate...  you get the sweetness of the strawberry and the wonderful flavor and then the chocolate hits your tastebuds and flavor receptors with the force of a 80 pound sledgehammer because chocolate wants all your attention.  Its needy and insecure and wants to make sure that all you taste is him.  Ultimately, you ruin a perfectly good strawberry.  However, you take that same strawberry, add a little vanilla sugar, give them some time to become friends and BAM!!! next thing you know, you wake up two days later in Mexico, overcome with happiness in your mouth.  It's the same thing with pineapple, citrus, stone fruit, etc.  Chocolate is always in the spotlight, but Vanilla is the supporting cast that makes everything possible.

As Alton Brown states:

"Imagine a flower: A climbing orchid, to be exact; the one of some twenty thousand varieties that produces something edible. Now imagine that its blooms must be pollinated either by hand or a small variety of Mexican bee, and that each bloom only opens for one day a year. Now imagine the fruit of this orchid, a pod, being picked and cured, sitting in the sun all day, sweating under blankets all night for months until, shrunken and shriveled, it develops a heady, exotic perfume and flavor. Now imagine that this fruit’s name is synonymous with dull, boring, and ordinary. How vanilla got this bad rap I for one will never know."

And for those of you that still maintain Chocolate's superiority:  take a close look at the ingredients of your little bar there.  No doubt there will be either: vanilla extract, vanilla bean or vanillin (which is a compound of, guess what...  Vanilla.)